I Am The Monster
by StrangerThingsMileven
Summary: "No El, I am the Monster"
1. Chapter 1

_"Goodbye Mike"_

 _She disappeared, with the Demogorgon._

 _"El where are you?"_

Mike woke up, screaming, crying. The nightmares were consistent, every night, every night he had to relive her vanishing. He hadn't gotten very much sleep for the past month.

Nancy rushed into his room

"Mike, it's ok, it's ok."

She felt bad for him, not many people, if any people, watch the person that they like vanish into thin air.

"She's gone, she disappeared and I did nothing, I just sat there."

"It's not your fault."

Mike had lost his happiness, most people could see that. On the outside, he tried to act normal, the only people who really knew he was hurting was his friends, and Nancy. His grades suffered, he would cut classes to go out in the woods and look for her. He wasn't always sad, he was mostly sad when he got home, it was easier to get angry than sad, he could channel his anger to a specific person, luckily he hadn't had to yet. It was the natural thought among his friends that El was dead, they thought he was crazy to think she wasn't, he knew that.

"Look, try to get some sleep, ok?"

"Ok."

He couldn't, after he woke up from the nightmares, he could never get back to sleep.

A few hours later, he got up for school, he wasn't skipping any classes today, it would be too suspicious.

Once he got to school, he found that Dustin had already gotten there, and Lucas was only five minutes away, Will was probably behind him. Once They got there they walked in. Classes were as usual, he didn't pay much attention. After lunch, Mike and his friends were going to science, when Mike heard someone calling him.

"Hey frog face."

Just walk away, he was telling himself

"Frog face, wait up."

Just walk away

"What, you running because you don''t have the freak to save you this time?"

That was it

Mike turned around, and punched Troy in the nose, he fell, hearing a crack.

"Don't, bring her into this."

He started punching, shot after shot, he wasn't stopping.

"Oh shit guys, he not stopping." Said Dustin, who started wrangling his friend off of the kid to had oppressed them for years.

"I need to go to the bathroom." Said Mike

He left, leaving a bloody Troy on the floor.

He rushed to the bathroom, making sure no one else was there he started crying, washing the blood off of his hands, that's not the person that El would want him to be, even if it was a mouth breather he was punching.

Someone walked in, it was Will.

"Hey, Dustin wanted me to tell you to meet us at science."

"Ok, I'll be there in two minutes."

The rest of the day was pretty normal, except for Troy was in the nurses office for two periods.

"Hey, let's go to my house after school." Mike said to his friends

"Ok."

They left for Mike's house after that class, as they were walking in, they heard a voice yelling for Mike.

"Michael! Come here for a second will you!?"

It was his mother, no doubt that is was about the fight at school

"Coming!"

He walked in

"Yeah mom?"

"I just wanted to know how your day was, if you say-"

"Punched a kid in the face?"

"Yes, that was you?"

"Yes." He said, getting a little quieter

"Why?"

"It's Troy, you know? The kid that has been harassing us for three years?"

"And what did he do this time."

Shit, he had to think of an excuse, his mom didn't know about El, and he wanted to keep it that way, at least for now.

"He was messing with Dustin, and he wouldn't stop, so I punched him, he stopped."

"Well, ok, but please, try not punching people in the future?"

"Ok."

He was walking out

"Mike, just know, you can talk to me.'"

The boys went downstairs and setup for D&D, Mike had a new campaign written.

It was the middle of the game, and Will had excused himself to go to the bathroom.

"Mike, go tell Will to hurry up, it's his turn." Said Lucas

He went, and checked on Will, he was passed out, on the floor, repeating something that Mike couldn't hear.

"Guys! I need help!"

They lifted Will over to the couch.

Mike got lower to hear what he was saying.

"Mike. Mike."

Then, he woke up.

"Hey Will, mind oh I don't know. Explaining what the fuck just happened!?" Said Lucas

"Ever since I got back, I've been getting these, flashes, to the upside down."

"Why were you chanting my name."

"I, I've been seeing a girl in there, she has a shaved head."

Lucas and Dustin could see his eyes change, to emotionless, like he didn't even know the person he was talking to, they had already seen that look once today.

"For how long."

"Since I got ba-"

He had noticed the look he was giving him

"And you didn't think to tell me? You made just made me think I was crazy like everyone else? You didn't think 'Hmm, maybe Mike would like to know, that the girl that he has been looking for, for a month is calling out his name in the upside down.'"

It was a void, emotionless tone, calm Mike was around ten times creepier than angry Mike, even though angry Mike actually punched people.

"Look, What I've heard about El is that she died, and in case you didn't know. DEAD PEOPLE DON'T COME BACK."

"You know you can't say that, you, of all people, you came back to life!"

"I WENT MISSING, I WASN'T ACTUALLY WITNESSED DYING!" His voice was getting louder, intimidated by Mike's calm tone, he knew that it was the calm before the storm.

"We didn't see her die, she just disappeared."

And with that, he socked Will in the face, knocking him unconscious.

"What the hell Mike!" Said Lucas

Mike didn't hear him, he was troubled with his conflict of anger, and regret.

"Leave." He said calmly

"What?" Said Dustin

"I said, leave, and take him too."

Will was regaining consciousness

They left, and Mike went to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror, he didn't know the person that looked back at him. In anger, he punched the mirror, he proceeded to wash his hand of blood, and laid down in the fort.

 _"I'm the monster."_

No El, I'm the monster.


	2. Chapter 2

Nancy found him there, tear stained, curled up in a ball, clutching a walkie talkie.

"Mike? Mike, wake up."

"Nancy?" He said sleepily

"Mike, it's twelve thirty, what are you doing in yesterday's clothes?"

He nodded towards the bathroom

She walked in, horrified to find a bloodstained sink and a broken mirror

"Mike, what did that?"

"Me, I am the monster."

After a long pause he explained

"Will knew that El was in the upside down, calling for me, ever since he got back, he knew, he said that dead people don't come back to life, he's a perfect example that they do."

"So why is there blood in the sink?"

"I punched him."

He felt that his actions were justified, but he felt disgusted with himself, this isn't the person that El left, this isn't Mike, this is someone else.

Nancy didn't know what to do, he had punched his friend in the face, but that same friend treated him like he as crazy, when he knew he wasn't.

"Mike, go get some sleep, in your own bed."

"Ok."

He got up, and went to his room

He didn't feel like he was in control, he felt as if his impulses were more powerful than his control over them.

His dreams didn't improve, now instead of feeling of losing her again, he felt the guilt, of knowing where she is, but not being able to get to her. If Will was right, and she was in the upside down, there was no way he knew of that would get him there. After Joyce and Hopper got back with Will, the gate closed behind them, there was no gate into the upside down anymore, and she was in there.

The next day was a sad one, instead of anger, Mike only felt sadness. When he got to school, he got a glance of Will, his face looked better, he also got a glance of Troy, his face didn't. He got a familiar pain in his heart, he saw what he had done, he didn't have control of the thing that did this, he didn't know what did it in the first place.

School felt lonely when he couldn't make eye contact with his friends without a reminder of what it had done, what _he_ had done. The painful guilt, that he had hurt his friend, one that trusted him, but Mike had trusted him, and he betrayed it. He spent most of school trying to figure out how to get to the upside down, his only plan involved Will, and he didn't think he could ask him to do what he needed, even though he was mad at him, he was still his friend.

That was the question, How much was he willing to give to get her back?


	3. Chapter 3

His conscious being, barely in control, being betrayed by his impulses. That is the current state of Mike, she hated having to watch him go through this, if only she could get out of here and to him. She was trapped, no way in, no way out, not a way she could think of, she had gone through this many times in her head. There was a factor that she wasn't counting, Mike. She was thinking about ways Mike could get in, but there were none. Mike was persistent, he wouldn't give up looking for her, and one other thing.

She was trapped, trapped in that place they call the upside down, no gate, portal, nothing. He hated thinking of how El must think of him, if she could see him. He's a monster, he had assaulted his friend, he didn't have any control. If only he could get in there and save her, maybe, just maybe, she could forgive him for what he had done in the past month. There was a factor he wasn't considering, El. He was thinking she couldn't last long in there, she was strong, and one other thing.

That one other thing, is something that neither of them had figured out yet. When El vanished, she transferred a part of her, 'abilities' to Mike. It explains why El could witness Mike in the normal world, but not anyone else. It explains why Mike knew she was out there, when everyone thought she was dead. It explains why Mike had been so impulsive in the past month, he had felt her, slowly dying, as if he was too, his impulses became stronger. But they did not know about these things.

Mike had started getting quieter, closing people off, his friends, he was even beginning to shut Nancy off. This kid, a month and a half ago, would've been hanging out with his friends, playing games. This new kid was silent, void, emotionless, who spent most of his time sitting in his room, all by himself, thinking, planning, sulking, crying. He would still look for her, everytime coming back with nothing, a little more silent, with a little less emotion. His anger had returned, replacing his sadness most of the time except when he was in his room. There had been more 'incidents' involving Troy, his sidekick, his friends. He was right, He was the monster.

"No, you're not the monster." Said a familiar voice

"Yes, I am." Assuming it was Nancy, not bothering to lift his head up

"No you're not, you are a kind person, you are Mike."

Mike recognized that voice, the way she said his name

"El?"

No reply

"El!"

He started crying

"El!"

It was her, he knew it was her.

"El, please come back, I know I'm not the same, but please, come back. Please, come back."


	4. Chapter 4

_"Promise?"_

 _"It means something you can't break, ever."_

 _"What is friend?"_

 _"It's someone that you'd do anything for, and they never break a promise."_

Mike has broken his promise, and has been a terrible friend.

He broke his promise, he said she would be safe, that she would be here, with him, eating eggos, and having her own bed, and she would be going to the snowball tonight. Not rotting in that place.

He had been a terrible friend, he had punch his own friend in the face, he was more a danger to his friends than a help.

Then why, why would El want to come back to him, he had this realization multiple times. If Mike wasn't Mike anymore, if he was just a kid who could stop himself from hurting someone, then why would she come back to him.

"El, please, come back, come back." He said this everyday

One day it was different though, he was in his room, thinking over his options to get El back, and he noticed something was off, his notebook, it was floating, when he noticed it dropped.

"El?"

No answer

Then what the hell did that, if it wasn't El, who did it? After a while, he realized, he was the only one in the room, he immedeatly brushed it off, but it came back a while later, his pencil was floating. If it was him, how? He tried to lift something this time, he didn't know how to, but he made his pencil float a little again. He realized that his nose was bleeding, so it must've been him.

He wondered, if he could do these things, could he open a portal to the upside down. If he had more practice than lifting a pencil, maybe. But, he decided it would take too long, so he would go with plan A.

The next day, he went to school, and tried to apoligize to his friends.

"Hey guys, look, before you say anything, I'm sorry, I've been a real jerk for the past month and I'm sorry for that."

"Good to have you back." Said Dustin

"Yeah, good to have you back." Said Lucas

Mike looked at Will, he was better, Mike's punch didn't do much physical damage, but it was unknown how much damage to their friendship it had done.

"Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't've punched you in the face, I was angry."

"Ok, you're forgiven, good to have you back."

"Cool, now I know it's kind of early to call in favors but I need you guys to get to my house after school, alright?"

"Why?" Said Lucas

"Just, get there, I'll have my mom ask your moms if you guys can stay the night."

"Ok." Said Dustin

For the rest of the day, Mike was more fazed out than usual, he was distracted on his plan, if he had thought this through, if this was how much he was willing to give.

After school he biked as fast as he could to his house. He asked his mom if they could stay over, she said yes, she was happy that he was hanging out with his friends, even she had noticed that he wasn't hanging out with many people.

Once his friends had gotten there he had already setup most of what he had needed, which was mostly an air matress and a lot of pillows.

"What's all this for?" Said Lucas

"Will, do you at least trust me a little?"

"Yes, as long as you don't punch me in the face again."

They laughed

"I won't punch you, just we have to wait until you pass out again."

"What?"

"Ok, so if El is actually in the upside down, and you pass out and go there, maybe I can go with you."

"Why would I do that?"

"That's why I called for staying the night, if you pass out anyways I can go with you."

"Fine, is this what you had to show us?"

"No, I'll show you once we're in there."

"Hey what about us?" Said Dustin

"I'll show you guys once we get back."

So they waited, mostly playing D&D.

Around four hours later

"Guys, I'm about to pass out." Said Will, looking queasy

"How do you know?" Said Lucas

"I get uneasy when I do, it's how I know to go to the bathroom."

"Oh."

They setup to go.

"Ready Mike?" Said Will

"Ready."

They fell back, Mike's consiousness leaving him as well, he was in the upside down.

It was a cold, unforgiving place, dark, even though it was sunset in the real world.

"Ok, what I'm about to show way, weird you out, but don't be, and what every you do, don't pass out, you may bring us back to the normal world."

"Ok."

Mike closed his eyes and concentrated on El.

"She's in my house, but where are we?"

Mike wiped his nose before any blood showed

They looked around, they were in Will's room

"That's a walk." Said Will

"Have you seen any monsters?"

"No."

So they started out, sticking to the border of the woods

"Wait, how do you know where she is?" Asked Will, who was just catching up

"The same way I can do this."

He lifted Will in the air, around a foot off of the ground.

"What? How, can, you."

"I don't know, I just accidentally started making a pencil float in my room."

"Cool."

"Now, I just got tired from that so you're gonna have to carry me the rest of the way there, ok?"

They laughed, Mike had finally had some joy in him.

They reached Mike's house

"Ok, last time I checked, she was in my room, so we'll go from there." Said Mike

"Hey, if she's not there, I'm blaming you."

"If we get caught, I'm saying this I saying this was all Dustin's idea."

They went in

"El!" Mike yelled

"Mike?"

He rushed up to his room.

"El, are you ok?"

"Mike, what are you doing here?"

She was too weak to use her powers more than once a week now.

"To save you of course."

"Mike, how do we get her back? Only our minds are in here, her whole entire body is in here, and I'm about to pass out again." Said Will

"Crap, umm."

An idea popped into his head

"Hey Will, do you think you can carry her?"

"Depends on what the distance is, why?"

"The distance will be about three feet, I'm going to try to make a portal out of here."

"Dude! You got tired lifting me up a foot, making an inter-dimensional portal is kinda out of the question, isn't it?"

"If I pass out, I wake up, but you don't, you carry her to the other side, don't worry, the portal will be to the basement, we just have to walk down there."

"Fine, but if you pass out, won't I have very limited time?"

"I'm guessing around fifteen seconds, maybe less."

"That's not a very long window!"

"But it's our only chance."

"Fine."

They walked down to the basement, Mike carrying El, he didn't want Will to pass out.

"Ready?" Said Mike

"Ready." Said Will

He started, concentrated, and a black hole, the size of a doorway opened up, and he passed out.

"Come on El!"

He ran torwards the portal.

"Lucas what is that?" Yelled Dustin

There was a black hole forming in the room

"I don't know! Why would I know?"

Suddenly Mike sorta woke up

"Guys! Help Will with El."

There was a person coming out of the hole

"Help!"

Dustin grabbed El and Will woke up.

The portal closed

They did it, El was home, They were safe.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Authors note: SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPLOAD :( I WAS GOING TO DO IT ON MY PHONE BUT I DIDN'T HAVE THE FILE UPLOADED TO FANFIC.**_

* * *

Mike got up, he was exhausted, but he needed to make sure El was ok.

"El, are you ok?"

She nodded

"Mike, what the hell just happened? why was there a black hole in the middle of your basement?" Said Lucas

"We need to get her food." Said Mike

"Perhaps I was speaking Spanish, What the fuck just happened?"

"I'll explain once she's ok."

"Fine." He said, murmuring what Mike assumed were swears

Mike went to get some food

"Will, can you explain what happened?" Said Dustin

"I think it would be better for Mike to."

Mike got back with six eggos

"Here, have some food."

She scarfed them down

"You can sleep in my bed tonight, do you have enough energy to stand up?" Asked Mike

She nodded

"Do you have enough energy to take a shower?"

"Yes."

"I'll have Nancy help, I'll be right back."

He knocked on her door

"Hey Nanc, could you help me?"

"Sure, what's up? You look like you're about to pass out."

"Just come, I'll show you."

She followed him down to the basement

"Oh my."

"Would you help her clean up?"

"What are you gonna do?"

"I have to explain to these two what just happened."

"What about me?"

"I'll tell you after she's ok."

"What about mom? She'll freak if she figures out what happened, or who El is."

"She's out shopping, I'll tell her tomorrow."

"Fine."

They left, leaving the boys

"I'm surprised you didn't want to help her." Said Dustin, who was making a kissy face

"Oh shut up."

"Ok, would you start explaining?" Said Lucas

"Fine."

He lifted up a pencil behind Lucas and tapped his shoulder

"What the-"

Once he turned around the pencil dropped

He turned around to Mike's nose bleeding

"Fuck?" Lucas said, completing his sentence

"I don't know how, I don't know why, I just started lifting a pencil accidentally."

"So _you_ opened that portal, not El." Said Dustin

"That would explain why I'm so tired, yes."

"If you're so tired go to sleep. We'll leave, you'll probably be asleep for most of tomorrow anyways."

"Ok."

They left, Mike went upstairs and checked on El.

"Hey, are you ok?"

"Yes."

"Do you need anything?"

"How."

"What?"

"How, did you save me?"

"I have powers like you now, I don't know why, or how, but I do."

"Oh."

"Get some rest, I'll tell you more once you're not so tired."

He went to Nancy

"Ready to explain what happened?"

"Fine, but no one, not even Jonathan can know, got it?"

"Fine."

"I have powers, like El, I opened up the portal to get her here and I can move stuff with my mind."

"What, How?"

"I don't know."

"Well, maybe you can give a better explanation when you aren't about to pass out onto my floor."

"Ok, well, I shall rest."

And he did, getting the best sleep he had had in over a month.


	6. Chapter 6

_It was black, but everything started fading into view. This was the lab, but not the lab in the normal world, but in the upside down. She started running, running away from what seemed to be a monster version of papa, she didn't think he could become more of a monster. She ran, and ran, until she reached the outside, and everything went black. She was in that place, she didn't know what to call it, it was a black, never-ending space. Suddenly, before her, she saw Mike, he was looking happy, but suddenly, Brenner came up from behind him, and took him, throwing him into a van._

"Mike!"

Mike woke up, El was having a nightmare.

"Mike!"

He ran down to her

"El, El, it's ok. Shhh, it's ok, I'm here."

She opened her eyes

"Mike?"

"Yeah, it's me, I'm here, don't worry."

Her breathing started normalizing

"Good."

"Can you go back to sleep?"

He knew from personal experience that after most nightmares, especially the ones where you call out from, you can't.

She shook her head

Mike looked at his watch, five.

"Ok, I'll just stay up with you."

She smiled

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"Being so nice."

He looked back at the past month, he hadn't really been that nice.

"Yeah, about that."

"It's not your fault."

"What?"

"It isn't your fault."

"How do you know?"

"I was watching you, until the last week, I couldn't then."

"So you know that I punched Will in the face."

"Yes."

"You know I was a monster."

"You weren't a monster."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For trusting me."

"Oh."

They talked for hours until

"MIKE! BREAKFAST!"

"COMING!"

"Ok El, after breakfast I'll come back up here, get you, sneakily come downstairs so she doesn't know that you slept in my room last night, and introduce you to my mom, ok?"

She nodded

Mike ran downstairs

"Hey mom."

"Hey, you know, you were talking in your sleep."

"Really?"

"Yes."

He ate breakfast and snuck a few Eggos for El.

He ran back upstairs

"Here, have some Eggos."

"Thanks."

"Ok, here's the plan, I go downstairs first, then you come down once I say the coast is clear, ok?"

"Yes."

He waited until she finished her waffles

"Ready?"

She nodded

"Ok, wait at the top of the stairs until I give my signal."

They walked to the stairs, then Mike walked down, when he gave saw that his mom wasn't looking he signaled her.

"Hey mom, I'd like you to meet someone, her name is El."

She turned around

"Oh, hi El, when did you get here?"

"A minute ago."

"Really? I didn't hear a door open"

Ok, fine, his mom paid a little more attention than he gave her credit for.

"Mike, when did she actually get here?"

"Last night."

"Where did she sleep?"

"My bed."

"Where is she from? Where are her parents?"

"She's a runaway, her parents were, abusive."

At least that was half true.

"Ok, who do I call?"

"That's the thing, I was wondering, could she stay with us?"

"Mike, I already have three children in this house not including your father, we can't fit another."

"But mom, she can sleep in my room, I'll just move to the top bunk."

"What about food? School?"

"You're an amazing cook, you can make food, and she doesn't really have an education."

"Well, nice flattery, and what do you mean no education?"

"Her parents never took her to school, or taught her anything, she doesn't really talk much."

"Oh."

"But I know Will's mom would be happy to teach her."

"How do you know that?"

"She likes El."

"Well."

"Please!"

"Fine."

"Yes!"

"But, you have to ask Joyce to teach her."

"Ok."

"Now go to school, you'll be late."

"Ok, I'll drop El off on the way."

"Ok, bye."


End file.
